Welcome to our huge collection of coffee jokes. This set of jokes, puns, and riddles are perfect to drop on your barista at Starbucks or your friends at your local cafe. We even include a coffee pun generator to help you create your own coffee word play.
If you're ready, lets get started. If you love coffee, why not bookmark this page so you can drop a fresh joke on every visit to the cafe?
13 Starbucks Jokes and Giggles
- Go to Starbucks
- Order coffee
- Tell them your name is Waldo
~ Bill Murray
A man walks into a Starbucks carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”
- What do you call it when you walk into a Starbucks you’re sure you’ve been to before?
- Déjà brew
- how bout i spell YOUR name wrong, Stahrbux. hm?
- how bout i pronounce it wrong, too, huh? you like that?
- how's that feel, Stlerbecks?
- A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
- The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
Watching my mother-in-law order at Starbucks is like watching a drunk gorilla try to start a car with a french fry.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make coffee at home, yell my name out incorrectly, then light a $5 bill on fire.
- Saw a guy today at starbucks
- He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop.
- He just sat there drinking coffee like a psycho
Starbucks job interview:
- What's your name?
- Spell that please
- L A R I S S A
- When can you start? ~ Kim
There are two types of people in this world: People who love Starbucks and liars.
- Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask
- I asked “Why are you wearing a surgical mask?”
- She said “I'm not, it's a coughy filter.”
- An ant gets a job at Starbucks
- That's it, that's the ant-hire joke.
- I made a Starbucks barista cry
- I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply.
31 Coffee Jokes and Riddles for Baristas
- What shape is usually waiting for you at the coffee shop?
- A line
- A pair of jumper cables walk into a cafe.
- The barista sees them and says, “I’m sorry but I’ll have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you starting anything in here.”
- I went to a Starbucks in Spain and they asked what I wanted.
- I said, “Soy latte.”
- They said, “OK, but what do you want to drink?”
- I tried washing my coffee maker today
- Now I'm no longer allowed in Starbucks unless the barista has the restraining order removed.
- Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
- A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
- A: Because they know how to espresso themselves.
If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don't even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.
Coffee is the most important meal of the day
- What did the coffee lover name his son?
- Joe, obviously.
- Q: What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?
- A: “What’s Sumatra with you?”
- Q: Why shouldn't you discuss coffee in polite company?
- A: It can make for a strong and heated debate.
Procaffeinating (n). – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.
Soup of the day: Coffee.
- Q: What's the opposite of coffee?
- A: Sneezy.
A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,” The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
- Q: What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?
- A: Break fluid
- What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
- Cream and Sugar.
- Drink coffee…
- Do stupid things faster with more energy.
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
- There is a time and a place for decaf coffee…
- Never, and in the trash.
- What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?
- A brewhaha.
- What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
- I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
A man at a restaurant was annoyed that the waiter hadn’t brought a spoon for his coffee, so at the top of his voice, and so the other patrons could hear, he states “This coffee is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers”.
The waiter hearing this made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, and returned promptly to the table with another coffee.
“Here you are sir” said the waiter. “This coffee is not nearly as hot.”
- What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
- I asked for coffee.
- How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
- You channel surf faster without the remote.
- I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
- It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
- How do you kill a coffee bean?
- By decaf-itation.
- Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
- Because it makes them viperactive.
- Barista: How do you take your coffee?
- Me: Very, very seriously.
- “Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
- “Four dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”
- “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
37 Coffee Puns (Plus How to Make Your Own)
- How are coffee beans like kids?
- They're always getting grounded!
Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.
- What's the best Beatles song?
- Latte Be!
- Where do birds go for coffee?
- To the Nest-cafe
- Did you hear about the cow that gave birth?
- It was de-calf-inated.
- What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you?
- I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
- Why do they call coffee mud?
- Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
- People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning
- No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
- What's it called when you steal someone's coffee?
- I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.
- I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes I realized I forgot my car.
- Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
- He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Make your own coffee puns (26 examples)
Get creative with your coffee jokes and make your own puns. The funniest puns are ones that fit in the flow of conversation. Take note of a few of these possibilities and give it a try. After, let me know how brew do.
Bean: Can be used in place of been, beam, bin, mean, and means.
- You know, I’ve bean thinking…
- Bean me up, Scotty!
- Don't forget to toss your garbage in the bean before leaving.
- Don't be so bean!
- Living beyond your beans.
Bitter: Flavor note vs resentful emotion
- Those beans came to their bitter end.
- It was a bitter goodbye but I had to get to work.
Brew: Making coffee in place of you.
- I love brew!
- It's been great to see brew.
- How long are brew and the kids staying?
Déjà brew / Déjà vu: Second coffee in place of Déjà vu (Tedious familiarity)
- I'm feeling déjà brew – haven't we had this roast before?
Espresso: Coffee type in place of express (speed, convey emotions, courier package)
- My last coffee on the espresso train made time pass so quickly.
- I can't espresso how much I loved that last latte you made.
- Can you just drop the document in an espresso envelope and send it over?
Filter: For making coffee in place of filled your
- After this, I think you'll have filter coffee pun limit for the week.
Ground, Grounds, Grounded: Ground coffee beans in place of basis, earth, punishment,
- Getting in on the ground floor
- Grounds for divorce
- My flight is grounded
- I need to ground my kids if they drink any more coffee.
Latte: Espresso with steamed milk in place of lot, lot of
- I've got a latte to deal with right now. Maybe later.
- Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.
Mug, Mugged: Coffee cup in place of robbery, police photo, face
- I can't find my coffee, I think I've been mugged.
- I had to show the police mug shots of my coffee cup.
- It's been four hours since my last coffee, I think it shows on my mug.
Perk, Perked: As in percolate coffee in place of lift up, job benefits
- When I head the barista call my name, my ears perked up.
- I asked her about the perks of being a barista but she didn't answer me.
Some descriptive coffee words that work well for coffee and emotions include:
- Strong and dark
- Weak and bland
- Tall and blonde
More reading: How to Order Coffee in Spanish (13 Ways)
14 Espresso Puns and Jokes
Espresso may not solve all your problems … but it's worth a shot.
- The milk frother on the espresso machine at the cafe was broken.
- You might say it ran out of steam.
- This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.
- I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.
- The barista told me I had bad jokes
- I cannot espresso how sad that made me.
- What do we call a sad espresso?
- Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
- Because he was pressed for time.
- What do you call it when an angry man yells about mixing Gatorade with espresso
- What do you call a cup of Espresso which tastes alright ?
When asked why he exclusively painted with coffee, he said he just needed to espresso himself
- Does anyone remember the name of that Italian dessert with espresso poured over gelato?
- Because affogato
- Yeah, we got a new espresso machine last week
- Was the old one shot to death?
- Coffee beans must have the lowest self-esteem…
- They’re always getting roasted!
There's this cute barista I want to ask out…
But I just don't feel like I have a latte offer. I've bean chai-ing to tell her how I feel, but I don't know how to espresso myself. It's a shame, because there really could be something special brewing there. I guess I'm just afraid being roasted.
- Me: Hey can you make a drink for me?
- Her: Sure what did you want?
- Me: Two shots of espresso and some steamed milk.
- Her: A latte?
- Me: No just a little.
More reading: Check out these 11 most popular types of coffee from around the world.
A note about attribution. I tried to give attribution to the original coffee joke teller. If you have a reference to show who said one of these jokes first, please send it over and I'll add it. I'm not claiming these jokes as mine – I just accumulated some of the more popular ones. Although some of these are my version of existing jokes and puns. Many of these are popular in memes and printed gear, like mugs, shirts, and socks.
Expand your coffee vocabulary: Read 241 Flavorful Words to Describe Coffee
I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. Which coffee joke, riddle, or pun was your favorite? Have one to add? Share it below!
Bryan Haines is a co-founder and writer on EnjoyJava! – and is working to make it the best coffee blog in the world. He is a travel blogger at Storyteller.Travel and photographer at Click Like This. He is also co-founder of Storyteller Media, a company he started with his wife, Dena.